2 comments / Posted on by Deanne Shanteau

One night at dinner my boyfriend, Josh, and I were at were just having one of our usual chats! He mentioned to me that someone had said to him a while back that "No offense, Deanne seems kinda needy." I of course wasn't offended...years ago I probably would have been but now something like that doesn’t sting. I know it wasn’t said in a mean way either, just talk. It is laughable because I handle my own sh*t every which way you put it. Laughing vs. being offended, that is what we call growth people! So this comment, it really got me thinking...

He was, of course, concerned I was going to get upset and he was trying to explain how the conversation went etc. I assured him I wasn't at all bothered and that I completely understand people perceive things in whatever way they want or whatever makes them comfortable. This does not mean it is the truth. It may be their truth...but it isn't the actual truth and that is totally fine! 

So here is what I started to realize. I am NEEDY. Needy AF, but not in the same context the person used. If you actually know me and our relationship you would know I am in need of my own space, my own time alone A LOT. I need my own career, my own car, my own MONEY, my own ideas, my own opinions and my own friends. I need my own life. That is what is important to me, to have my own identity outside of my relationship. And to be honest, I used to sometimes worry people would think weird thoughts about my relationship because I do SO MUCH on my own always. I NEED to travel alone, I LOVE and need to eat dinner alone as it soothes me. I need to work out alone, run my business alone, shop alone...I LOVE being alone. I love help with some of these things, but I thrive doing a lot on my own. So yes, I would say I am needy. I know this wasn't the context it was mentioned in but it is my truth. I am the one that handles all of our paperwork, taxes, travel and all of the other annoying adulting things and I am happy to do it for us as I am savvy with it. I don't NEED a man, never have. But I WANT my boyfriend. For me, a man doesn't complete me I truly complete myself but my boyfriend is indeed my partner in life and the absolute love of my life. I am lucky to have someone as wonderful as him. He has shown me the most unconditional love I have ever known and I am a better person for it. I love him with all of my heart, but I am not someone who identifies myself through another person. I do not get my self worth from being in a relationship, I never did. He truly keeps me safe and I keep him on his toes (that’s for sure) but we don’t tell each other what to do. We both believe we should live our happiest lives however that may be and it’s worked for us...hence why I travel by myself and vice. Versa. We never stop each other from living our absolute best lives. I’m more of someone who travels more and goes out I, he is a little more of a home body. We balance each other out and give each other a sense of comfort.  We are all different and there is no right or wrong way to do this thing called life, just be a kind human.  

My point of sharing this very raw, truth of mine is to convey how you can be "around" people and they can collect these opinions or ideas of how something is behind closed doors or even wide out in the open and it just doesn't matter. It was just something that moreso solidified to me to keep doing me, for us to keep doing us. What people think truly doesn't matter because they will think whatever they want and develop ideas based off things they focus on. That is absolutely okay. It truly just had me baffled and when I told my girlfriends they all had the exact same response, "hahahahaha." This is because they know US, they spend time with us and they know me and I am the farthest thing from a needy woman. Yes, I may ask Josh to grab something for me, pour me a glass of water or pick something up for me but we do that for each other because we are equals. Perception truly is reality and that is what life shows me over and over. That was just one of the more wild assumptions I have been so lucky to hear.


We are ALL different humans with different wants and needs. It is important to remember not to judge a book by its cover. It was a profound moment for me because I knew I had grown as a woman when it enticed me to reflect rather than be offended or bothered. It actually made us both have a giggle and life is too short not to just giggle.







  • Posted on by Liliana

    Bravo!! Well said! Wait I’m still clapping! ;) So I found myself in this same exact situation. I’ve been perceived as ”needy’ but I feel it was more closest to, by my perception anyway, strong headed, knowing what I wanted, maybe a little demanding. So!. Again because I’ve always known what I wanted and what to except in an equal relationship. I’ve never been ashamed of speaking my mind. Somehow as women were not “allowed” to be independent of each other’s partner,, and out spoken and not ashamed to say what we want out-loud (god forbid we sound needy) or just being plain old confident. Why? Needy! Huh!! Perception IS everything. 👏🏼

  • Posted on by Alisha Medina

    Praise our Style Lord for this post. Thank you immensely for changing the narrative on what it means to be needy. I always tell Shane, I am with you because I love you, not because I need you. It’s a whole other concept of what our needs are vs. this concept of being needy. The former is so empowering to make a relationship thrive! Great read on a Monday. Now I NEED to get back to work.