I think we can all agree it has been a wild ride these last two years. Life had to slow down due to a global pandemic then it picked back up at different paces for everyone. To be very honest, I thrived in lockdown. My husband and I lived in Orange County, CA during the thick of the pandemic, and let me tell you, it wasn’t the worst place to be (despite what the news may have said). I was lucky in the sense that I was already a WFH small business owner so I was already accustomed to the lifestyle. Being that I wasn’t from OC, my social schedule was nonexistent most of the time. I spent a lot of time adventuring by myself if I wasn’t with Josh, but I love alone time so it worked! During lockdown in California, we had the glorious sunshine, walking trails, and the beach at our fingertips. I enjoyed that aspect of life as social obligations were no more, and being next level secluded at home turned my productivity up a notch.
In 2021, life naturally picked back up as the world navigated how to come back to life after a global lockdown. During this time, we made the decision to move back to Las Vegas so we could live in a much larger space for a significantly more reasonable price. A growing, “Style Snob Boutique” needed the right environment to thrive. Well, you can probably say I once again manifested the perfect space for us! We absolutely loved our loft in OC, I wish we could have stayed in our magical bubble forever; but it was time to make moves because it wasn't big enough for both of us + my online store.
As life picked back up and we were getting reacquainted with Las Vegas, my calendar was filled with new exciting business opportunities, home decor shopping, social outings, business outings, and endless girls' nights. All good things but after a while, for an empath like myself, it starts to feel like chaos. Suddenly you feel yourself reaching to feel grounded again. At times I felt like I was on a ride I couldn’t get off. That is also what drove me to want to move f.5 years ago. I craved peace, quiet, and a slower pace. I noticed that I stopped taking care of myself in the way I so diligently did when we lived in Austin & OC. It's so easy to let self-care and mental health take a back seat when our schedules fill up. If you are anything like me, you eventually burn out and need to take a few steps back to reset. I most certainly felt myself resisting the chaos after a few months, but I couldn’t seem to pump the breaks. Does this feel familiar to anyone?
Oh, did I mention I was in the thick of being a, “Covid Bride”? It was something I honestly resented. The uncertain times made decision-making that much harder, even for the bride that wanted to elope. Both Joshua and I are empaths and with the way we are, marrying each other with only each other made the most sense to both of us. Honestly, it was the most romantic thing and we have zero regrets! We did have several celebrations with our families so having the wedding with just the two of us was perfect. Lesson learned in my bridal experience: “You're never going to make everyone happy so just do what makes you both happy.” We can talk more about this in another blog though!
It feels like a whirlwind when I reflect on the last year. I experienced loss in a way I hadn’t before. In May of last year, I lost someone that was like a mother to me very suddenly. Not only did I lose my aunt/god mother/second mom and a best friend, I was also by her side while she passed. This is something I never experienced before, but she made me promise my whole life I would take care of her when she was old because she didn’t have kids of her own. She did not even make it to her 50th birthday before she took her last breath, me being by her side like I always promised. It was devastating to my whole family, and it broke me to my core. Over the next couple of months I navigated a world without her in it. We had to shift into full-on bridal mode as all of the celebrations were ahead, followed by our elopement in the fall. This was bitter sweet as my family was excited for the celebrations but we know my aunt would have played such a big role in them as she always did.
It was on our wedding day, October 11, 2021, that I surprised Joshua that we were in fact expecting our first baby. This was a magical moment in time, captured on both video and camera by our photographers. We were over the moon with anticipation for this next chapter. A few weeks later at an ultrasound I was told that there was no heartbeat and the pregnancy was not viable. I was miscarrying and the room was spinning. We were absolutely crushed. To be honest, I thought my aunt sent me this baby. I was so excited to tell the whole family because I felt it would bring some new life and cheer to our emotionally trying year. Initially, I felt as if I was almost letting everyone down now that I wasn’t bringing a baby into our family. This was of course not the case, but we all go through different emotions.
In the midst of all this, I was working on the biggest project for Style Snob since starting my business 5+ years ago. This project required all my attention when I wasn’t running my day-to-day operations. During this time, I was basically just trying to keep my head above water. It was at times a challenge for me to stay upbeat and positive with what was going on behind the scenes in my personal life.
My Miscarriage happened in November, but somehow as everything started to come to a close, our wedding, the collab, my holiday collections…I found solace. It didn't come easy. We approached the thick of the holiday season in December, a season I thought I was going to be celebrating with a baby bump, newly married in our cozy home for the first time. We were planning to announce in December, so December didn’t feel as joyous as it once had. As this was no longer going to be the case, I turned inward to assess how I was really feeling and what my soul needed to heal. I craved slowing down. I wanted to bask in the thrill of being newlyweds because it felt we hadn’t had the chance yet. I wanted to continue to lean on Joshua and spend as much time as I could together after what we experienced. It took me hitting my own personal rock bottom to get myself back together. I hadn’t felt good inside in a while. I had a lot of angst and it was causing me to spiral in all areas of my life. As I worked through all these emotions, I felt at peace knowing there was a bigger plan for us in a less chaotic time. A second chance perhaps.
Once I slowed myself down and took some time to reflect, I realised my rituals and self-care were nearly non-existent since moving back to Las Vegas. I had stopped using my oil diffusers, healing stones, home yoga flows, no leisurely reading, and less guided meditations. I went a whole year letting all the things that took my years to learn in order to keep myself grounded, slip away. Especially for an empath, nightly rituals and self-care are essential. If this blog inspires you to turn inward a little, I invite you to evaluate what life was like for you the last time you felt amazing. What were you doing? Where did you live? How did you feel? What was life like? I had to do this to really get back to ME! It doesn’t mean I picked back up and moved to another state, but I started implementing those practices into my life again.
Now that I have gotten us up to speed on the last year, I want to share some perspective on my intentions to EXHALE in 2022. Maybe this hits home for you. I don’t believe in the “New year, new you” trend. YOU are perfect just as you are, but there's always room for growth. Entering a new year setting INTENTIONS that are realistic is essential. I say intentions gently as the worst feeling is when we set goals very high only to set ourselves up to be disappointed if, in fact, they are unrealistic. As a goal-oriented person, high goal setting is a toxic behaviour I had to let go of for my overall well-being. I find that setting an intention with a clear road map with steps with how one can move toward that in a realistic, healthy way is key. I always aim to live a balanced lifestyle, but as you can see circumstances change and we lose ourselves without noticing. I believe 2022 is a year of exhaling for many, a lot has happened in the last few years. We need to take time to process, reflect and heal. This is important for our sanity and for humanity as a whole; this way we will be kinder overall better humans. If we are all pouring from full cups, we can then positively impact those around us. When we heal and make space for life’s blessings to organically flow in, we are then living in alignment.
Over the years I have listened to many guided meditations and “talks.” If you are familiar with Abraham Hicks, she talks a lot about, “The path of least resistance.” When I reflect on the last year, I realise a lot of the angst I was feeling stemmed from doing things I felt a lot of resistance towards. We have all been there, right? People pleasing and doing things because we feel we have to can, in turn, cause us to harbor feelings of resentment. Well, we know resentment is like poison in the body. When something doesn't’ feel right or as if it may cost you your peace, it's costing too much. We have to lean into those intuitive feelings to choose the path of least resistance when we can; this way we can dance through life as our best selves. I now stop and really think about things before saying “yes.” I let it sink in and I see how my whole feeling if I do say yes. If I get that “icky” feeling, I know it's just not right for me or maybe just not the right time. And guess what? That’s okay. Why? My logic is that if we let go of the things that aren't sitting right, it allows us to attract more positive things into our lives at the right time because we are feeling good. Some opportunities may feel just right, others may feel forced. My advice, don’t force it, let it go. Make space for the right things to flow organically.
Prioritising setting intentions vs. goals & resolutions takes the pressure off. It allows more room for the magic to happen. I know different things work for everyone! I have gotten to where I am by being a “goal-oriented Capricorn,” so I do understand that whole bit! Hustle culture is not my journey right now and it feels almost like a revelation. I have had great conversations the last few weeks with others that feel the same, it's nice to know you aren't alone in things.
Fill your cup up, it doesn’t have to be a fancy vacation or anything of the sort. It can be more walks in nature, journaling, more movement, reading a good book instead of watching Netflix (I should bring book club back too). Set that intention to feel your best, whatever that may look like for you. Envision how you want to feel six months from now, plant those seeds, and do little things every day to get there. Something neat that I practiced recently; I envisioned the version of me from last year, how she felt and watched her walk away from that with my eyes closed. After this, I envisioned the Deanne I wanted to step into this year, the Deanne who is at peace, galavanting through life thriving. I am so damn committed to that version of myself and consciously working at it every day. I am already feeling such a shift. So, I invite you to step into your highest self too!
Do any of these intentions resonate with you? Should I continue to share more on these topics through out the year? Thanks so much for being here and allowing me to share my heart with you today!